Desperate Measures

Walk This Way

I recently got into "Orange is the New Black"and I'm just about to start season 2.


I totally recommend it (- unless you're homophobic, in which case, stay away).  Some episodes are definitely funnier than others.  Sometimes, I catch myself still cracking up over "The Chickening" (season 1 episode 5).

Anyway, in "Blood Donut" (season 1 episode 7), the main character, in trying to convince one of the COs (Correctional Officers) to reopen the running track, argues that she saw a lecture on YouTube that claimed that walking for at least 30 minutes a day could significantly reduce certain health risks.

And, while I know that just because it's on the internet doesn't mean that it's true (as pointed out by the CO in the show), I myself am trying to convince my SO (Significant Other) to walk with me everyday while we're in Siargao together (- we arrive tomorrow).  The last time we did, he felt so much better.  I'm trying to encourage him to develop the habit for it.

Here's the video:

 

While it sounds like one of those weight-loss infomercials, trust me, it's isn't.  I hate those things.  (Although I still can't stand all that scribbling; I find it distracting.)  The only thing the video is trying to sell to you is the idea of getting off your lazy ass for at least half an hour every day to make a difference in your health.  It sounds crazy, but it's an idea worth considering.

Don't I know it?

If Every Kid Did It...

Remember this cartoon from Sesame Street?

 

Well, the following trailer documents what happens "if every kid did it".  Except that it wasn't filmed in  some big city.  It was shot on Midway Island (yes, of the "Battle of Midway"), which is quite literally in the middle of nowhere, where there are more birds than humans (Midway's human population: 60).

You are nowhere.  (Source: Wikipedia.)

In spite of the island's distance from the rest of the world, it is clearly not unaffected by our carelessness.

The next time you unthinkingly toss something into the sea, please remember the consequences.

 

To support this project, please click here.

"There's A Banana In My Ear!"

My cousin posted this, ironically (I hope), on Facebook this evening:

Tips to lose weight: 1. Before meals, drink one glass of water to fill your tummy. 2. Bananas should be avoided after meals. It adds to calories taken during the meal. (Heard from an endocrinologist over the radio).

If you've watched the BBC series "The Truth About Food", you'll know that #1 is untrue and that water taken in before a meal passes straight through your system.  You're better off having soup, which takes time to digest inside the stomach, giving you a feeling of being full longer than water.

Statement #2 is just plain hogwash.  Of course, if you ingest a banana - or a piece of lettuce - after a meal, you're consuming calories.  All food, except for water, contains calories.  'Tis the nature of the beast.  Of course, there are some food with "negative calories", which doesn't mean that they do not contain calories, it simply means that it takes more calories to consume them than they contain.

But I seriously doubt that after eating a heavy meal, you'll have a stick of celery...  You're most likely to go for some cake or ice cream.

But stay away from that banana if you want to watch that waistline!

 

Doh!

And this endocrinologist was on the radio?  Damn, I should have gone on air with a phone-in question.

Excuse me po, mamsir, kung kumain po ba ako ng kerots pagkatapos ng lanch, dadagdag ba ang calories ko?
Oo, hija, pero hindi katulad ng banana.
Eh, kung naka-tatlo po ako na KrispyKremeoriginalglazeddonuts pagkatapos kumain, mas okay powh ba ito sa baNAna, sis?
Lecheng pilosopo kang caller ka!  NEXT!

Sorry, it's not as funny when translated into English.

But you don't need an endocrinologist on the radio to figure it out, do you?  If you want to lose weight, back away from the buffet table and keep your mouth shut.

On Bug Spray and Deodorants. With a Bit About Chickens in the Trees.

I'm not really particular about the products that I use.  I'm more of a soap-and-water girl, really.  Although there was that time when I went for some expensive hair treatment and I was told that I needed to use some special sodium chloride and sulfate-free shampoo to maintain it.  Then I went ahead and used some cheap-ass shampoo that I had bought from 7-11 and, effectively, washed P8500 down the drain.  Doh!

I know a lot of people go out of their way to seek all-natural and organic stuff and that's all very good and commendable but, based on personal experience and observation, I find that there are two things where natural and organic don't quite cut it:  insect repellant and anti-perspirants/deodorants.  Seriously.

I could pickle myself in citronella and still get bitten by a hundred mozzies.

A friend of mine posted this on her Facebook wall recently:

"Mosquito trap - No more mosquitoes!! Cut the top off a 2 liter bottle. Invert the cone and place it inside the straight part of the bottle. Glue the two pieces together. Add 1 tsp yeast and 1/2 cup sugar to some lukewarm water, and pour the mixture into the bottle. Mosquitoes are attracted to the carbon dioxide that you exhale. The yeast feeds off the sugar and emits the same gas, so the mosquito enters the bottle, thinking she will find food there."  (Click here for the link.)

Two of her friends swore by it and, since I live in the Land of Aggressive Mosquitoes, I had to try it.  I made one and kept the bottle beside my bed for several nights.  I still served as fattened calf to those feasting mozzies.

So I thought, okay, maybe the yeast I used wasn't really yeast, or maybe I should have used white sugar as opposed to brown, or used a 2-liter soda bottle instead of a 1-liter water bottle (- I'm not in the habit of drinking soda so I don't have any spare bottles lying around!), or maybe the water I used wasn't warm enough or was too hot.  My friend sent me some yeast via courier.  (Yes, we were taking this project very seriously and many a-text was exchanged between Manila and Siargao on this subject matter.)  Then I sent the girls out to buy white sugar.  We tried this two more times.  With three water bottles.  That are now full of ants.

I could have just put out a plate of sugar for them, no?

Right.  Back to Off and industrial-strength chemical mozzie killer spray.  And none of that lemon-scented nonsense that will kill you before it kills a single mosquito.  It's got to be the Agent Orange-take-no-prisoners type of bug spray that could embalm you in your sleep.

Same with body odor.  You need chemicals to mask that shit.  Seriously.  When I was in college, I remember this guy saying that he would rather emit his own natural odor than smell like a field of sunflowers, or whatever scent those things come in.  Unfortunately, for him and for all of us who accidentally wandered within smelling radius of him, the natural odor he was emitting was similar to that of a rancid goat.

I used to be really sensitive to smell.  I once walked into a ladies room at the Ateneo (the university I went to) and had to walk right out, even though it looked empty.  I waited out in the hall and, sure enough, a vile-smelling woman emerged from one of the cubicles.  I had to hang out in the hall a while longer and wait for the stench to dissipate (I swear it clung heavily to the walls and ceiling) before I could enter the bathroom again.

In high school, we had an exchange student who stank so badly that we had to open all the windows and crank up the electric fans so that we wouldn't pass out from the smell.  An emergency meeting was called on how to handle the situation.  We eventually elected someone to have a discussion with her about it.  If I remember correctly, she opened with, "You know, Daisy (not her real name and she certainly didn't smell like one), the Philippines is very different from your country.  It's hotter here and we sweat more..."

Nowadays, I'm a bit more tolerant.  But most Filipinos are not and find it offensive when someone reeks.  If you smell, they won't tell it to your face but they'll make fun of you behind your back, perhaps give you a rude nickname, and turn their noses up at you when you walk by.

And don't even think about using those tawas (potassium alum) crystals.  They don't work.  Industrial strength anti-perspirant-deodorant-fields-of-sunflowers chemical is what you want.  Okay, there are the unscented ones and those work just fine.  But, yeah, all-natural when it comes to body odor - and insect repellant - is never a good call.

***

Oh, while we're on the subject of mozzies, those mosquito zapper tennis rackets are awesome!  I love the smell of frying mozzies in the evening.  It's worth it to get a few - they're dirt cheap anyway - because they're flimsy and don't last very long.  Out of the last three that I brought home from Chiang Mai, only one is working and I'm worried that it's about to fizzle out from being whacked too many times on various surfaces.  The previous ones I had didn't survive being chucked at 5 AM at roosters in the trees.

And that's why they're called roosters, isn't it?  (Eureka moment.)  Because the damned things roost in the fucking trees.  And here I thought they were high on "Sesame Street" when they had that cartoon about chickens in the trees.  When the gardener showed up later in the day, I casually mentioned to him that he may find a few mosquito zapper tennis rackets, umbrellas and an assortment of slippers in the bushes behind the trees.  Goddam roosters.

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Last Week's Overdue Report

And, now, back to your regular programming.  This is a delayed report on last week's food, exercise and abuse.

Monday, 26 November - The week started well, with lots of enthusiasm and optimism.  Until I tried that "4-Week Bodyweight Home Workout".

Fuck me. 

• 30 jumping jacks
• 7 wide push-ups
• AMRAPs in 10 minutes

Okay, I was raised on "Sesame Street".  I have the attention span of a two-year old on crack.  And, most of the time, we only counted up to ten.  It was only much later (when I was 16 - har) that they got us counting up to 20, which was okay because, after counting out our fingers, we still had our toes.  After the fingers and toes though, there isn't anything left to count that's an increment of ten, is there?  So any number higher than 20 is asking for too much.  Seriously.

AMRAPs (as many reps/rounds as possible) in ten minutes.  Let's see...  I'm supposed to count 30 jumping jacks, then 7 push-ups and then count all of that as 1 round.  And I'm supposed to keep track of these rounds.  Riiiiiiiight.  You're giving me way too much credit here!  I host almost-daily funerals for brain cells - of course I lost track!  I'm pretty sure that I did more than 12 reps.  I think.  My official count is 14 but I may have counted 13 twice.  So maybe I did 15?  Who the hell knows?!

Yeah, I went swimming after.  I lost count of those laps too.  And to think I've already broken down my required 20 laps into 5s (5 breast stroke, 5 crawl, 5 breast and 5 crawl).  I now tack on at least three extra laps, in case I missed any.

Tuesday, 27 November - Whoa!  Body pain!  There's something I had been missing.  Felt damned good too.

Went swimming.

Wednesday, 28 November - After the shock of Monday's WOD - well, it is like a CrossFit WOD, isn't it? - I was hesitant to do the Wednesday workout.  And rightfully so.

• 50 high knees (25 on each side)
• 10 prisoner squats
• 10 forward reach push-ups (5 on each side)
• 5 rounds for time

Right.

I've heard people say that they like doing CrossFit because they're faced with different WODs everyday and are, therefore, never bored.  This may sound like sacrilege but I did get bored doing CrossFit.  I mean, come on!  100 reps of anything - although painful - can be mind-numbing!  But, at least, in a CrossFit situation, you're competing against others so you can't give in to the temptation to collapse on the floor and curse everybody you've ever known.  Completing something like this on your own is tough.  I think I did it in 7:45 minutes.  I scribbled it on some paper somewhere then wrote a grocery list on top of it and gave it to the maids.

Yes, I went swimming.

And drinking.  Back to beer and cigarettes.  Ugh.  Not good.  Why do the bars here not have any soda water?

Thursday, 29 November - Swimming.

Not only did I have more beer and ciggies, but I also had a meat pie with mashed potatoes.  It was the only thing they had at the bar and I had to eat something!

Friday, 30 November - With only three hours of sleep and a foggy head, I skipped Workout #3 of the week, thinking I had the rest of the weekend to do it.  Yeah, right.

Went swimming.

I hosted a dinner that night.  It was all very civilized.  My guests got all gussied up and even brought me a bottle of red.  This was supposed to be my official Cheat Day and the culprits present were potato tahdig and crepes.  And Patron XO.  But, despite our best efforts, we couldn't finish the tahdig, and I certainly didn't want it to go to waste, so I asked the girls to keep the leftovers for me.  Then, of course, we went out and I had beer and cigarettes.

Potato tahdig.  (Internet file photo.)  This one has green beans in it.  What an excellent idea!  I should put chorizos and maybe some mashed potatoes next time...

Saturday, 1 December - I found a place in the house where the floorboards have been polished and is not undergoing any construction at the moment, so Dominic and I have decided to try it out for taekwondo.  I thought it worked out well until I discovered, after the session, that I had nicked the skin under my big toe, possibly in the space between the floorboards.  A large patch of skin came off and it was a bitch walking around barefoot, especially over prickly grass.  (Ouch!)  We still want to use the space and keep practicing so I'll just have to wear shoes next time.

This was the day that the workers and the staff made preparations for Typhoon Bopha.  I didn't find out that they had cut off the power to the house and, consequently, the pool until after 5 PM and, by then, it was too dark to go swimming.

So I made a half-assed effort to get my stuff together, then procrastinated, as I usually do.  (Why do today what you can do tomorrow?  Really.)  I set my alarm so that I could do it early the next morning.

I had bacon and scrambled eggs with basil (because I had been craving it since I was hungover the day before), and the leftover tahdig for dinner.

Sunday, 2 December - With all the workers gone to prepare their homes for the typhoon, I lay by the pool but couldn't swim because I had packed up my goggles and swim cap and deposited them, together with my other things, at the evacuation site.  I tried swimming without them but I got hair all over my eyes and in my mouth and I couldn't see and it was all very unpleasant.  I wonder how other people manage without them.  I got a nice tan though.

Before my second tour of duty in Siargao, I bumped into my high school BFF's dad at the mall and, after not having seen him for years, the first thing he said to me was "What happened to you?!  You used to be brown-skinned [he actually used the word "kayumanggi" - is "brown-skinned" the correct translation?] and now you're white."  I had to explain to him that I hadn't been living in Siargao for two years, etc., etc.  But, since then, I lie out in the sun every opportunity that I get.  I never used to.  I'd get tanned just walking around.  Now it seems that I have to work at that too.  Bloody hell.

I had prawns and vegetables in coconut milk.  With more leftover tahdig.  Geezoos!  How much of that stuff did they make?!

***

Too many gluten offences last week, what with all the beer, rice and doughy stuff.  Couldn't I just say that I had a Cheat Day but it was spread over four dinners?  I did keep up with the IF though which, trust me, is not the easiest thing in the world when you're hungover.  There's nothing like a big, greasy fry-up after a night of drinking, but I stuck to coconut water all day, thank you very much.  And I only missed one day of exercise.  Never mind the smoking.  As long as I don't eat the bloody cigarettes, right?

I forgot to weigh myself on Monday morning because, well, I was forced to evacuate my home due to the typhoon, wasn't I?  I can tell you that, as of this morning though, I am at 51.5 kilos, which is strange considering all the peanut butter sandwiches I've had this week.  I really shouldn't lose any more weight...

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BBC Series: "The Truth About Food"

In 2007, the BBC came out with a very interesting six-part series called "The Truth About Food".  I only saw the pilot yesterday and can't wait to watch the rest of it.  It's all on YouTube.  Unfortunately, in less than an hour, I will be catching the ferry back to Siargao Island, where I can barely open my e-mail.

Here's the pilot:  How to be Healthy.  It's only an hour long but it's crammed full of useful information.  Enjoy!

 

Episode 2:  How to be Sexy

Episode 3:  How to Feed Your Kids

Episode 4:  How to be Slim

Episode 5:  How to Stay Young and Beautiful

Episode 6:  How to be the Best

CrossFit Travel WOD, 13 October 2011, 8:00 AM

My flight to Manila got canceled last Monday, then all the ferry operations were suspended due to a typhoon that raged and howled over the island the whole of Tuesday.  Nicolas saw this as a sign for me to stay on until the end of the week and help him out with the construction of the house we're building on Siargao Island.

So I sent Paleo Challenge Team Leader, Nickey, a message that I needed more travel WODs from Miggy.  Indoor ones since the storm showed no sign of abating.

But, of course, it did.

The sun came out bright and early on Wednesday, but there was still no WOD from Nickey.  To bike or not to bike?  I had been horizontal since I got back from the airport on Monday and my mind and body had turned to mush.  I cast a wary eye on the road.  Must still be flooded in some parts.  I went back to bed and continued my "Breaking Bad" marathon.

Then the WODs came in.  Geezoos.  What part of "indoor WOD" was unclear?  I had no internet connection and wasn't about to hazard a guess as to how to properly perform a bear crawl or crab crawl.  Neither was I inclined to do either, let alone 50 yards of each in front of 75 construction workers.  I stayed in bed.

Since I finally ran out of "Breaking Bad" episodes, I peeled myself off the bed this morning and took another look at the WODs.  The last one wasn't so bad and could easily be done away from prying eyes.  I cranked the Chili Peppers up on the iPod and got down to it.

The white markers on the right are set 10 meters apart.  Err... Yes, this is our backyard where my overachiever of a boyfriend has built a private six-hole golf course.

It was five rounds of the following:

• 30 kettlebell swings - Since these are CrossFit swings, I opted to use the 8-kilo kettlebell instead of the 16-kilo one as I don't think "dented" is a good head shape for me.
• 400 m. run
• 100 m. farmer's walk -  I'm familiar with these from my previous kettlebell training.  For the first two rounds, I carried one 16-kilo and one 8-kilo kettlebell.  For the last three rounds, I  walked with two 8-kilo kettlebells.

Walk this lopsided way.

My time was 28:27 minutes.

Faaaaaaaaark, that was hot.  I slathered on 110 SPF sunblock and still burned.  During the last round, I thought I was going to combust so I threw off my cap and stripped off my gloves while I was running.  I don't think I'll be doing another outdoor WOD again unless it's at five in the morning or something, when the sun isn't in a crisping mood.

I still inted to bike around four this afternoon to make up for the past days' lethargy.  Will, hopefully, keep it up till I leave the island on Friday.

***

Update:  Well, biking is out.  A friend of mine came over to visit this afternoon and fell into a few mud holes on his way here.  He said I'd never make it to GL (General Luna) on a bicycle.  Ah well...  And I seem to have forgotten that tomorrow is Friday.  Doh!  Where did the week go???  Oh, yay!  That means I can download Season 4 of "Breaking Bad" when I get to Cebu.  I don't fly out to Manila till 8:30 PM.  :-)

Weekend Fail

9 October 2011
Siargao Island

Pfft.  So much for my big weekend and the much-agonized over cheat day.  In the end - what? - I had a small dark chocolate bar on Friday then went to bed early on account of not having slept the entire day.  Then, last night, our big night out got rained out so we ended up having a very civilized and, yes, Paleo-friendly (at least, for me) dinner with the Degans, although Sue and I did drink vodka-watermelons.

I didn't do any of Miggy's travel WODs either.  Come on!  The first one involved riding 1k then doing 50 squats - five times!  Like I could do a single air squat in front of them:

I have no idea why kids love me.  They're always staring and smiling.  When I used to walk/bike regularly in the morning, they'd line the road, waiting for me to pass by.  Sometimes, they'd even follow me.  You'd think they'd be able to sense Evil.

That would be a resounding NO.

So I just rode...

And figured out that my route is only about 9 to 10k.  (Dang!  Must re-edit past posts.)  And I wondered if I will ever ride a bike on a non-sandy road.  I've only ever ridden in Siargao and at Burning Man...

Road repair going on as the sky starts to darken.

Anyway, I didn't do the WOD today either since I left my shoes outside the room last night and they got wet in the rain.

-- What?

Fine, so I started Season 3 of "Breaking Bad" instead of running around barefoot and having to do a total of 120 burpees and 120 kettlebell swings.  A much better start to a Sunday, no?

I'm off to watch the rugby with the Aussies at Bones' Sports Bar over at Cloud 9 (which is really just an excuse for Sue and I to break out the bubbly and get massively irresponsible in the middle of the day).  I may have a proper weekend yet.  Just got a text.  "Champagne is chilling!"  I'm on my way!

***

Update:

Finally had a decent cheat day!  No, I didn't eat anything non-Paleo although I was thisclose to opening a pack of Chippy's.  But I didn't.  As a matter of fact, I fasted.  But I did drink.  A lot.  And I may have had a few cigarettes.  Doh!

Bones' Sports Bar, with very serious Aussies.

The "row of knowledge".  I was told I could ask them anything and they would know the answer.  So I asked, "What is the average velocity of an unladen swallow?" and "What are the winning numbers in tomorrow's lottery?"  Apparently, I was supposed to ask rugby-related questions.  (Left to right:  Mark Robberds, Ashtanga yogi, Gerry Degan, Sagana Resort owner and manager, Glenn Rixon, Sagana chef and Red Horse jockey, and unknown bloke.)

The peanut gallery:  Bones and, pro surfer, David Reardon-Smith.

The Paleo Solution?

I was brought up on "Sesame Street", okay?  So that means I have the attention span of a gnat (my apologies to gnats, of which I know absolutely zilch about) and books like "The Primal Blueprint", although quite readable, make my eyes glaze over.  (I've set it aside, for now, in favor of "A Dance With Dragons".)

So I've finally gone online to research what I can and cannot eat on Paleo, which is all I am really concerned about and, what it comes down to is this:  nothing that CANNOT be eaten in its raw state.  So meat, seafood, vegetables, fruits, etc. are fine.  But grains, legumes/beans, potatoes, dairy, sugar and anything processed aren't.  If you need to cook it or process it to make it edible, it's out.  (Here's a short list of what not to eat and why.)

So, aside from a few mistakes like the cocoa in my Faster Blaster at The Spa Chiang Mai, I've been doing well.  I've mostly been living on salads (without any cheese or croutons, and with only a squeeze of lemon for dressing), eggs, and meat the past few days.  Mostly steaks and pork chops, although I did have some longganisas which, I know, are not Paleo at all.

(Internet file photo.)

And then, yesterday, I declared peanut butter Paleo and consumed half a jar in two days .  Well, I figured that if all the Paleo experts were worried about were the aflatoxins, then I'd take my chances.  And if they can make allowances for honey, then they can surely forgive raw sugar.

WRONG.

As it turns out, peanuts aren't nuts at all.  They're legumes.  (Why, oh god, why???!!!)  And the whole Paleo argument against legumes and grains and anything that is a product of agriculture and animal husbandry is that our bodies aren't designed to digest these things and that they are actually toxic and cause irritation and inflammation in our system.

Gaah!

I wouldn't really care - if I didn't know it to be true.  (No wonder I get so bloated after eating even a spoonful of peanut butter.)  Here's a more informative article on the dangers of peanut butter.

'Tis a sad, sad day...

I can tell you right now that it's a snore and a half trying to find something interesting to eat on Paleo.  I wanted to have sashimi the other day but remembered that I couldn't dip it in soy sauce.  Argh!

But I did say that I would TRY my best to do this for, at least, one month.  The one thing I did read in Mark Sisson's "Primal Blueprint" is that I shouldn't drive myself crazy with the fine print as that would be setting myself up for failure.  I will shoot for 100% but if all I can achieve is 80%, that's fine by me.

And what's great about Sarah Fragoso's "Everyday Paleo" is that she recognizes that we still have to live in the real world, and gives options for cheating.  For instance, alcohol is supposed to be a big no-no in Paleo but, if you do have to drink (as I do), she suggests red wine.  (Maximum two glasses.  Yeah, right.)  If wine isn't an option, go for vodka or tequila (- Yay!), neat or on the rocks.  If mixers are absolutely required, then soda water would be best.  Which would explain the vodka-soda hangover last Saturday.

There are a lot of good websites and support groups out there.  I like this site by Don Wiss because it contains a list of links to variations on Paleo.  Plus there are Robb Wolf's blog, Mark Sisson's and Fragoso's.

It shouldn't be so hard really.  Fragoso's recipes seem fairly simple and look delicious.  Except that that would entail my taking an active role in planning menus, doing the marketing and buying the groceries and, well, cooking meals which, right now, I am just too lazy to do.  Will figure it all out next week.  Right now, will stick to eggs and meat.  (I'm back at home where all the veggies are cooked in soy sauce or oyster sauce or god-knows-what sauce so I haven't eaten any vegetables since yesterday.  Nor have I seen any fruit in the fridge.  Would rectify but I am leaving again on Friday so will deal with it when I get back.)

Detox Day 3

We're both tired and grouchy.  I had to call upon all my will power to resist the urge to throttle the waitress this morning.  We've been here at least two full days and, every time I go to the restaurant, I present two coupons (one, two) for whatever drinks we're having and there are, obviously, two (one, two) of us who have just walked in together and, in case it still isn't apparent, we are sharing a table.  And yet, without fail, each and every freakin' time, she'll  ask if it's one drink I want or two.  Gaaaaahhhhh!!!  I am a hollow weed...  I am a hollow weed...  Deep breathely...  

I swam in the pool for an hour but didn't have energy for anything else.  Nicolas tried the infrared sauna while I stuck to the herbal steam room (nope, no sit-ups today).  We had more massages and started watching "The Borgias".

So glad this is over tomorrow.  I had a look at the restaurant's menu and already have a few ideas of how I want to break my fast.  Can't wait to eat again!